Detonated blogs

I detonated my old blog ‘Art and Life’ this morning.

The subscription was due in a few days and I didn’t want to renew it.    I’d left posts saying I’d moved blogging addresses but people still kept following.   The easiest thing to do was click the Delete button and detonate the whole thing.   It’s gone now.  Just like that.   Years of work, aspirations, ambitions, musings, whining  and creative outpourings gone in a moment.   It was amazing how much energy I had tied up in that blog. Deleting it was liberating.

As for this one – well I’m not sure it’s going anywhere, or at least, not going where I intended it go.   My last post was about the spiritual process of ascension.   I’ve been writing about this process obliquely for at least 5 years but apparently no one noticed.   When I wrote about it directly the author of the challenge prompt expressed amazement that I was even thinking about this subject.   Not sure where that leaves me – am I that bad a writer that no one noticed I was interested in spiritual growth?    While I ponder that and wonder whether in fact I should detonate all my blogs and go and meditate in cave I will post some haiga and haibun I have written that go some way towards mapping the spiritual journey I’ve been taking.

No one says much to me on this blog.  Half the time I feel like I’m pissing in the wind.   That detonation button and the inner cave are looking very appealing.



inner peaceliminality

Some years ago I studied Indian Philosophy at university. It was a hard subject and I can’t remember much about it except for a strange debate we studied.

Sometime around 200BC a Hindu and Buddhist had an argument about the nature of the eternal soul. The Hindu said that the eternal soul is fixed and continues unchanged through time and space. The same soul stays with an individual through every incarnation. The Buddhist argued otherwise.

‘No,’ he said. ‘The soul changes and evolves as we do. Its nature is not fixed.’ He argued the soul is fluid and changes from moment to moment. What we do and think in the present impacts our soul. In every moment we are faced with a choice – to stay fixed in our current state or to grow and evolve.

In my essays I took the side of Buddhist. The lecturer favoured the Hindu point of view. ‘If my soul changes from moment to moment,’ she giggled, ‘I would wake up the morning as someone else. My husband wouldn’t recognise me.’ I found it hard to discuss the matter with her. She was convinced her view was the right one.

I find many people have hostile reactions to the idea. Maybe it is that, in this changing world, they like to think they are solid and dependable, fixed and reliable.

To me it seems they misunderstand what the Buddhist was getting at. I find it liberating to think that in every moment there is the possibility of redemption – of forward movement – of personal evolution.

Nothing is fixed

forever set in concrete

– healing can occur

DSCN9585 DSCN9304

One day I asked Google a question. ‘What was before the Big Bang?’

I received a number of answers. The one that intrigued me the most was the idea that the big bang emerged from a singularity. This singularity was the last remaining trace of a previous universe. The previous universe had gone through a period of expansion after being created in its own big bang, After eons of time the energy released during this big bang dissipated and the universe that preceded ours began to implode back in upon itself.

Eventually all that remained was a singularity.
This singularity exploded in a big bang which released the energy from which our universe is created. In time this energy will expend itself and our universe will implode. Eventually it too will become a singularity that will, at some point, explode in another big bang. A new universe will come into being.

This cyclic procession of universes reminds me of a story from Hindu cosmology. When the God Brahma breathes out, all life comes into being. When Brahma breathes in all life ceases to be until the God breathes out again. All existence is Brahma breathing in and out, in and out, in vast cycles of time and no time.

Infinite multiverses

expanding and imploding

– no ending in sight.


In my early 20s I took a lot of acid (LSD) – a lot. My last acid trip took place in a National Park outside of Sydney. I had gone there with some friends to drop acid. While my friends tripped to some place where they giggled and cuddled, I went to a space where the world was made of paper – a place where the environment around me looked a painted backdrop and my friends looked like cartoon characters. I felt like the whole world could just blow away in the wind. It was a freaky feeling but what was even worse was the feeling that there was nothing, absolutely nothing behind the backdrop. Behind this world there was nothing but a vast empty void.

I tried to explain my freak-out to my friends but they were too busy laughing and cuddling to get it, ‘Of course the world is real. You’re just tripping out. You’ll come down,’ they said.

Back in Sydney the next day my friends straightened up and got on with life. I came down enough to know everyone else was no longer tripping but I also knew I still was. I stared out at Sydney harbour willing the paper yachts to become real. It was three days before they did.

The experience affected me deeply and I sought to understand it. Attracted to the Indian idea that all life is an illusion I began reading books on Hinduism and Buddhism. What I wanted to know was– if life is all illusion – what lies behind it? Is there really just nothing – an empty void?

‘Everything that arises and ends as a result of cause and effect is like the landscapes we see in dreams, the illusions, created by a magician, the bubbles on a fast-moving stream, and the unreality of shadows.’ from The Diamond Sutra

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heart haiku


Whether or not this blog gets detonated remains to be seen.   If it goes on  – it will take a new direction – a more integrated one where I express myself more openly.    A while ago I put a lot of my writing about spiritual matters onto a separate blog.  I then decided I needed to make that blog private while I worked through some deep blocks that were affecting my spiritual growth.   Now I’m thinking I either bring the content on that blog into this one or I detonate both of them and concentrate on my inner growth in private.



5 thoughts on “Detonated blogs

  1. Well! Here’s an invitation to deep thought and a challenge to my way of thinking. It’s made me wonder about the nature of “belief” – why do you tread this path and I another less “spiritual” one? Engaging with your view is difficult for me because my fundamentalist Protestant background (long discarded, but probably not totally freed from) makes me a bit uncomprehending of your more metaphysical approach. I also wonder why I feel the need to put inverted commas around everything. A question that occurs to me: does blogging and the expectation, unfulfilled, of response help or hinder spiritual growth? I’d be sorry if you chose a cave for private meditation, “a line of flight out of the matrix”, even if I don’t always know how to respond. An encounter on the bus home from Melbourne with an 80 year old woman who refuses to have dealings with fb, email, the blogosphere, made me begin rethinking my involvement. She is an art therapist working in a shared house for previously homeless men; she acts in and makes costumes for a local dramatic group; she notices the distress of an old woman on the bus for whom an ambulance needed to be called, and cares about her. She’s certainly outside the digital matrix, but not outside the social one. And I don’t quite know what the relevance of this is!

    Then there’s your experience with Indian philosophy – the Buddhist way, recognising fluidity, is more appealing to me. I can’t believe the silliness of your lecturer: a philosopher indulging in such reductio ad absurdum.

    Do you still see the world as paper with nothing behind it? My guess is no, but possibly sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Meg, no I don’t see the world as paper anymore. These days I see things in a more multi dimensional way – the Earth plane is just one way of being.
      As for blogging and whether or not the digital matrix can benefit spiritual life, I would say definitely yes, yes, yes, Not fitting into any main stream religious practice or belief system I sometimes feel very isolated spiritually. Reading the blogs and internet posts of others on a similar spiritual path gives me great strength. Although I may not always blog myself I think I will always read other blogs.
      I do think the 80 year old woman you met has a point though. Getting involved with others in a face-to-face way is very important too. It’s finding the people to get involved with that I find tricky. I often find internet communication gets to deeper places more quickly and more honestly. A lot of my face-to-face contact with people involves conversations about the weather.
      As to why we each tread the path we do – well, that’s a deep question. I think we all incarnate with certain lessons to learn in that lifetime. Our temperament and natural inclinations take us to where we need to be to learn those lessons. We are all where we need to be.
      I can’t really say why I am interested in metaphysical ideas other than stating that’s just the way I am. My entire life has been a spiritual quest. Like you I was bought up a protestant yet I can remember sampling various Sunday schools when I was about 11. I took myself off to a different denomination Churches for a while to see which one I liked the best. A year or two after that I started questioning the whole protestant thing. In my late teens I sampled the Catholic Mass and the Jehovah’s Witnesses for a bit then moved on to sampling various Eastern and alternative faiths. And so and so forth…
      Thanks again for your thoughtful comments. You really made me think. Talk to you soon – Sue.


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